For Parents,

Your Role In Countering Bullying

When parents discover that their child has been involved in bullying at school, either as a target or as a bully, it can be very upsetting. Here are some suggestions by international bullying expert, Dr. Ken Rigby:

1. If you suspect that your child is being bullied at school, encourage him or her to talk to you about it. Recognize that it may be hard for the child to speak out.
2. Never dismiss the matter by saying that itís the child's problem and he or she must simply stand up to the bully or bullies. Sometimes this course of action is impractical, especially if a group of bullies is involved.
3. Don't be too over-protective either, for example by saying: "Never mind. I will look after you. You donít have to go to school. Stay home with us."
4. Listen carefully and sympathetically. Try to get the relevant facts without interrogating the child.
5. Explore alternative courses of action with the child; for example, acting more assertively, making friends who can help, or speaking with a teacher or counsellor.
6. Decide whether it is best to discuss the problem with the school. This will normally depend upon:
   • the severity of the victimization, including its duration;
   • whether it is thought that the child can learn to cope; and
   • the wishes of the child regarding whether the issues should be raised with the school. On occasions, if the bullying is particularly severe, you may reasonably ask the school for advice despite the reluctance of the child to seek such help.
7. If it is decided that the issue should be raised at school, be prepared to describe as accurately as possible what has been happening to your child.
8. Remember that the school needs to know what has been happening to your child for the good of all other children at the school. Also be aware that the school has a "duty of care" and is obliged to act "in loco parentis".
9. If you discover that your child is bullying others at school, take the matter very seriously and exercise whatever influence you can to stop this behaviour.
10. If the school informs you that your child has been bullying others and requests an interview, be prepared to work out a plan with the school to bring about a change in your child's bullying behaviour.

Cyberbullying

Parents, on our page for students we talk to kids about cyberbullying to encourage them to be cautious while online. In some cases, despite best intentions, children may make mistakes and they need to be able to have a place to go, to talk about what happened - for example if they were talking to a friend of a friend they felt they could trust and got in too deep.

It's important to keep the lines of communication between you open so that you will be the one they can turn to. Children may hesitate to confide in a parent if they fear they will lose their computer priviledges. "It has no educational or therapeutic value and may drive your child further apart from you", says a professional counsellor from Kids Help Phone. "Working and talking together with your child on solutions to the problem is the most effective means of countering bullying".

Please visit our page for students to learn what we advise them to do in these situations.